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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Steve Hansen tells press conference the usual bag of shit

SRNZPA: Assistant All Black coach Steve Hansen reached deep into his cliche supply this morning (NZ time), telling a packed press conference "France could be the surprise package of the quarter finals", while rolling his eyes. "They'll have that extra motivation playing away from home, it could relieve the pressure they face in Paris" he expanded, giggling a little. "We're not fooled by their slow start - anything can happen, just look at '99", trying to disguise a laughing fit as coughing. He went on to add "They're well coached and LaPorte will've been studied the tapes all night. As a panel, we greatly respect his innovative and astute tactical approach", while merrily making the 'wanker' sign with his wrist and hand.

"I mean, you could say we've been number one for three years at least, we've thrashed them over here and at home recently, they couldn't even get it together to beat Argentina in their own back yard, still don't know who their best team is, and we're playing them in Wales. That's all very well, but I'm not going to sit here and say "we're going to thrash them" said Hansen, while nodding vigorously and mouthing "Yes, yes we are".


Jimmy Jangles said...

We better. but man, I am sooo worried. I can't go another four years thinking about reuben Thorne scoring and even then, that not being enough.

richard said...

Chiiiil, Winston. I just can't see us losing to France, eh, we're too strong and well drilled, and they've only had flashes of competance in the whole tournament. Everyone's still scared of '99 happening again - that's a one in one hundred year result, a perfect storm of All Black over-confidence and French fluke artistry.

I hope all this doesn't come back to bite me in the arse, though.

Leg Break said...

Yikes!! One in a 100 years event SR?? A bit like the Northland floods?

So which centuries do these totally unexpected upsets come from?

79 at Eden Park; 4 tries on the trot in the 2nd half.

94 at Lancaster-Jade; beat us by 15 points.

94 at Eden Park; the try from the end of the monde after we’d dominated all day.

95 at Toulouse; Laurie Mains’s all-conquering All Blacks who only ever lost due to Suzie, getting dicked 3 tries to 0.

2000 in Marseille; 3 tries in the first 10 minutes.

And when you say we’re well drilled, I assume you’re not referring to our backs.

Yours is desperation; LB

richard said...

Hmmmm - you seem like a man who's done actual REASEARCH, LB. It's stats like that that'll reassure a man, and pull him out of the rocking back and forwards in the foetal position and weeping jag he's been on.

Nah, I still reckon we'll be fine. FINE!

Leg Break said...

All Black losses are etched in what’s left of my brain SR; no need for research.

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it etc...

The only way that we can win this bloody thing is if all optimism / complacency is made illegal for the next 3 weeks.

richard said...

Hmmmm I'm not convinved by the 'don't get excited' argument - but then, you could get a situation like this.

fishboy said...

Heh, that's brilliant. Love it :)

I'm not worried at all frankly. I'm excited, yes - it should be a good game to watch. But that's mostly because we're going to squish us some frogs! Yeehaa! Get yer stompin' boots on Jerry!

richard said...

That's the spirit, Fishboy. I'll be mostly invoking a Zombie metaphor, ie the All Blacks are an infestation of walking / running undead, focussed only on getting at the French team's brains.