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Saturday, January 26, 2008

What's going on?

Don't panic!

I've moved sportreviewnz to sportreview.net.nz

Redirection should happening... about... now.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

We beat the scum Five - One

Spurs beat Arsenal 5-1 in the second leg of the Carling Cup (bite on that, Cactus Kate). Yeah, it was only Arsenal's kids, and only the Carling Cup, but I'll take it. Spurs had a similar hoodoo against Chelsea, and we broke that in the Carling Cup before beating them in the league, so it's a good sign, I reckon. Thoughts:

- It's good to move from the Jol unpleasantness. Ramos likes his teams to play fairly directly, and we hit them on the break for at least two goals. Nothing wrong with that, and we're relying less on long punts from Robinson (who's dropped now anyway, and was apparently skulking in the tunnel at final whistle). The players have been training very hard indeed from reports

- Jenas was on fire, and this win was less reliant on Berbatov magic. A good sign if he's on his way, but I'd love to keep him, 'cos he's class

- The Guardian's Fiver reports that Arsenal's Adebayo thumped teammate Nicklas Bendtner, which is great, but points out Arsenal are still in the title race, Champion's League, and FA Cup, whic is fair enough. Still some catching up to do, alright

- Reading reports from the UK that Glen Hoddle in the studio did a subtle fist pump when the 5th went in and said 'another one'. No word on fellow pundit Paul Merson's thoughts at the time - he probably lost a bundle

- Goals here - loved the camera shaking at 4-0, and the Gooners walking out

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Links on Friday

- Peyton Manning coaching kids' football - "Go sit in the portaloo for twenty minutes! WHY is the door open?" You have got to be firm with youngsters, team.
- Ramsay's Fucking Kitchen Nightmares - heh
- Raiders of the lost ark lego set - make all your dreams of escaping from poison darts and rolling rocks on the lounge floor come true
- Jason Kottke's best links 2007 - links that are actually good

Only Marc Ellis and Ridgey can save India v Australia!

Hi. I'm Billy Bowden. I'm the guy that made cricket un-boring just by being zany - I do the dancing six signals and the daggy bent finger and that. Remember? There's nothing I won't do to put a smile on your dial!

So, last week I was at home watching 'Bring It On!' to suss some new moves when I got a phone call. "Billy, we need you to save the series! Players are at each other's fucking throats, they're threatening to go home, and the TV bosses are darker than a nasty dose of Guinness shits! You've gotta come save us!" They chose the right guy.

Everyone knows laughter's the best medicine. My career is testament to that. But this brouhaha is pretty blimmin' serious, and it'll take more than ol' Billy hopping on one leg with a priceless expression on his face to fix it. No, this assignment calls for the big guns. Buckle up Australia, I'm bringing Marc Ellis and Ridgey with me.

I've got it all planned out, it's gunna be brilliant. I'll be out in the middle cracking everyone up with my patented whacky signals, while the fellas make Mums and Dads at home roll on the floor laughing with funny interviews. They'll probably take off their clothes. In a funny way. I can just see Ridgey walking out to stick his car keys in the pitch wearing just his Y-fronts. Or something. We should probably get Mike King involved too, he's probably not busy.

Those Aussies won't know what hit 'em. You can't lodge a formal complaint with the match referee when you're cracking up laughing, eh! And after it's all over and I've got all the autographs I need, we can have a cold one and a curry and everyone'll say "thank goodness for Billy saving the day with laughter. Hang on - what's he doing now? Oh I see. Ha hah hah ha ha. He never stops'". It's gunna be sweet.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

sport review best of 2007

I'm stoked 2007 is over, sports-wise. After three World Cups and a big yacht race for no trophies, we're left to pick up the pieces after a year of early starts, late finishes, big build-ups and crushing disappointments. What have we learned? Nothing, if you believe Henry's reappointment was a mistake (which I don't), but 2008 will be very interesting indeed, with Robbie Deans leaving the rabid for success for the slightly shit. So bollocks to 2007, but it's time to get over it.

Luckily, blogging-wise, I've really enjoyed it. Getting a cartoon in the paper was nice (another one soon!). I liked this one. And this one. This wasn't a good idea.I loved making up news stories.

In 2008, I really need to get my shit together with a proper domain (keep your eye on sportreview.net.nz) and Wordpress, particularly before sportreview jr. comes along.

Here's my best for 2007.

Sporting moment
Hard one. A couple of America's Cup races were pretty amazing. I'm too childish to nominate Fiji v South Africa. Oher than a few Berbatov goals, it's looking pretty bleak. I'm going for Luaki handing off Richie McCaw - it's been that kind of year.

Guardian Unlimited (football and sport) remain my go-tos for sport news, writing, and youtube clips. Locally, the Dropkicks podcast is the best in NZ sport on the web. I love the communities springing up at Sportsfreak and The Silver Fern - I wish I had more time to participate. I joined Facebook, and found it great for finding the long lost, but kind of annoying otherwise. I discovered last.fm. I really enjoy Public Address and Jason Kottke, still.

Links on Friday
- Richie Benaud on the underarm
- Zombie vs Shark
- Never poke a big cat with a stick
- Full Metal Wii
- The Mack vs the Nuge

Person Pitch - Panda Bear (thanks, Fraser), Happy Ending - Phoenix Foundation, Sound of Silver - LCD Soundsystem

The Yiddish Policeman's Union - Micheal Chabon

Superbad, The Devil Dared Me To, Hot Fuzz

Top three songs on last .fm
Ramble Tamble - Creedence
Fourtunate Son - Creedence
Sleepwalk - Santo & Johnny

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Bangladesh learn invaluable lessons touring New Zealand, having crap kicked out of them

SRNZPA: Despite enduring a cricketing humiliation roughly equivalent to walking into the Long Room at Lord's wearing only Marmite, Bangladesh's cricketers are looking on the bright side. "We have learned so much from being bent over and used in this manner by the Kiwis." said captain Mohammad Ashraful. "When they chart our cricketing development, conceding 95 in six overs will go down as a joyous, joyous day!"

Bangladesh have picked up many little tips from the Black Caps. "Instead of being bowled by Kyle Mills, I should have hit it for six!" said opener Junaid Siddique. "It's so obvious." The Black Caps role model what's required at this level. "To relieve the tension, the Kiwi play 'Who farted?'" said Ashraful. "They are true professionals." New Zealand coach John Bracewell's effortless media mastery has also impressed. "The way he ducks and weaves like a drunk man walking in mud fascinates me." said Farhad Reza. "Lke the old saying, 'Beware the wise snake wearing skin of ass.'"

Bangladesh celebrated with the Black Caps after the Queenstown match, observing first hand how a top class outfit winds down. "I look forward to playing 'pokies' and enjoying many drinks set on fire in the future" enthused Shahadat Hossain.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Mount Maunganui cycle criterium

Normally Maunganui Road in late December is all rotary engines, hormones, and old farts of 34 shaking their heads smugly at the youth of today. Last night, they made room for muscly calves, European lycra and cool looking bikes sharking around warming up for the Bike Barn's criterium series, with cyclists racing around a 1 kilometre course for 30 minutes, plus three laps.

It's fast racing, and tight courses with tricky corners means there's high potential for crashes. There was a good size crowd enjoying cheering the riders on as we caught the elite Woman's race and the start of the Men's, high speeds and jostling for position create a real spectacle. SHIT they move. Auckland's had events in Newmarket and Takapuna previously, and despite a good two minutes Googling, I can't find details for this year. Check local guides for times, as they say. Recommended.





Sunday, December 23, 2007

Roman Abramovich wishes you merry Xmas

In December even a cruel, ruthless Russian overlord's mind turns to seasonal merriment. We Abramovichs celebrate Christmas like all of you. Only this morning I hunted reindeer from my chopper with agent orange, and on Christmas eve we'll enjoy dwarfs re-enacting the film '300' in the drawing room to peals of children's laughter.

It's a time of reflection on a year of great achievement. The first act of The Special One Mourinho's elimination is complete. The second act will come as soon as The Pit Of Ducks With Shark's Teeth is ready and the 'Armani Sale' sign is installed outside. My experimental giant toad cadaver / voice box hybrid was installed as head coach, and my cleaner made Avram's episode with the journalist and the industrial bacon slicer go away quickly. 2008 will see deployment of my chloroform impregnated Chelsea scarves with ezi-garrote action, and my finest hour will soon be at hand.

I wish you the best for 2008. Be you my friend, you will die quickly, with an absolute minimum of stabbing. Be you my enemy... your face will soon be familiar with the ground, repeatedly and from very high up. Good health!