We beat the scum Five - One

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Spurs beat Arsenal 5-1 in the second leg of the Carling Cup (bite on that, Cactus Kate). Yeah, it was only Arsenal's kids, and only the Carling Cup, but I'll take it. Spurs had a similar hoodoo against Chelsea, and we broke that in the Carling Cup before beating them in the league, so it's a good sign, I reckon. Thoughts:

- It's good to move from the Jol unpleasantness. Ramos likes his teams to play fairly directly, and we hit them on the break for at least two goals. Nothing wrong with that, and we're relying less on long punts from Robinson (who's dropped now anyway, and was apparently skulking in the tunnel at final whistle). The players have been training very hard indeed from reports

- Jenas was on fire, and this win was less reliant on Berbatov magic. A good sign if he's on his way, but I'd love to keep him, 'cos he's class

- The Guardian's Fiver reports that Arsenal's Adebayo thumped teammate Nicklas Bendtner, which is great, but points out Arsenal are still in the title race, Champion's League, and FA Cup, whic is fair enough. Still some catching up to do, alright

- Reading reports from the UK that Glen Hoddle in the studio did a subtle fist pump when the 5th went in and said 'another one'. No word on fellow pundit Paul Merson's thoughts at the time - he probably lost a bundle

- Goals here - loved the camera shaking at 4-0, and the Gooners walking out

Links on Friday (on Saturday)

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- Zero Punctuation's Guitar Hero III review - this guy should have his own show. Movie. Country, even, I'd live there
- Badass bike crash - ouch
- Writing drugs n shit into the baseball record books
- Six great goal celebrations - Tardelli's is the best by miles

Links on Friday

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- Fabio Capello will soon be sitting on England's bench. Hope they gave it a good clean after Sven. Still, if he gets them playing like this everyone'll go home happy. Check out the second goal, it's a thing of true beauty
- Liverpool's Jan Molby scored a screamer in the 80s against Man U that no-one ever saw thanks to a TV strike. So some nerd re-created it on their XBox. Bless
- The NRL has everything - fisticuffs, witty banter and no nonsense refereeing. I may have to watch a game next season
- Christmas wish list #1: Lego Imperial Walker. Now if you could hook it up to bring beer to the couch...

Wellington man has supported the Phoenix since 1999

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SRNZPA: Wellington resident John Soddentrouser dismissed the Phoenix fan club Yellow Fever as 'johnny-come-latelies', claiming to have supported the team since 1999. To Soddentrouser, following a football team that didn't technically exist for many years is the mark of a true fan. "I was there home and away. Not my fault if they don't play any games, is it? Where was everyone else? Lightweights."

Soddentrouser, who lives alone, has thoroughly hated every second of the Phoenix's debut season. Game day for him begins by drinking alone at a local Cosmopolitan Club, before arriving three hours early to be first in line for tickets. He reserves particular disdain for the merchandise stands, spluttering "I MADE MY OWN jersies. Made my own. There was no merchandise stand in my day. Shit." Soddentrouser quietly seethes throughout the match, before leaving at half time to beat the traffic. "I don't know why I bother, mate. "Where was this Yellow Fever shower in 2001? You wouldn't catch those guys sitting alone in an empty stand for the afternoon like I did. They're not real fans."

The LA Galaxy match was the season's low point for Soddentrouser. "Half of them couldn't name a single Phoenix player - I was there when there were no players to name, mate. It's just not the same anymore." Soddentrouser announced he'd probably stop following the Phoenix at the end of the year and support the Nelson Backboards, a basketball team that would probably join an expanded Australian basketball league in "2013, maybe 2015."

Links on Friday

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Sorry team, I know this is turning into a kind of links-only site - more stupidity soon, I promise
- Remember Cullen bungling a try by not forcing it properly a few years ago? That's nothing
- I'd like to thank... SHIT! - it's not over till you're in the clubhouse drinking and worrying if your feet smell, as this guy finds out in a hurry
- Inky on the All Black coaching dilemma - it's all academic now that Ted's back in. Inky's way smart though, you should read him, not me
- Some people say Footballers feign injury to con free kicks - and they're right. Miraculous recovery here

Links on Friday (on Sunday)

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- I miss Soccer AM - Saturdays just aren't the same without a soul-sapping hangover and football related hilarity - check these out.
- The more I think about it, Ajax may be my 'other' team. Cruyff. Van Basten. Nice football. Cool kit. Dutch. Stuff like this. What's not to like?
- A Dan Carter conversion straight out of Sensing Murder
- I'm listening to CCR lately. If you haven't heard Ramble Tamble. Have a listen, it's the most rockin' song of all time, don't you know.

Links On Friday (on Sunday)

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Sorry, team - blog motivation is low at the moment. I've got a good mind to get my other one going again...
- The best 5-a-side goal ever - bloody hell, that's some skill. The 'keeper has no idea whatsoever, and looks like Mike Gatting facing the ball of the century
- Chuck Klosterman on the NBA - not my favorite sport, but one of my favourite writers
- Hostel's Eli Roth's 24 hours of Horror - does anyone want to do this?
- That One Bob Guy And Why He Can Go Fuck Himself - I love this

Links on Friday

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- Fido trailer - a Zombie in every home. WHEN does this come out in NZ?
- Denis Leary gives Mel Gibson a verbal beatdown - nice. Poor old Mad Max, first the Malibu mansion, now this
- The prince of own goals - This is magic. This is still my favourite own goal ever, though, just 'cos it's Arsenal, and a member of George Graham's back four.
- Ryan Giggs, 7 gives his first TV interview - his media minder is Alex Ferguson, 16

Links on Friday

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- Sebastian Chabal steals a dog's lunch - magic. Why is the dog called 'Springboks' though?
- Golf has a new hero - check out Woody Austin as he bends his putter on his head in frustration. I've done that with a keyboard a few times, alright. Bonus - Woody Austin falls in the water. Nice one, bruv
- Top 50 football kits - I want one of them Dukla Prague kits and all
- Matt le Tissier free kick - cool as you like

Links on Friday

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- Spurs ball boy gets a bit over enthusiastic - a hero. A bloody hero. Maybe caretaker manager Martin Jol should sign him up. Love the crowd chanting "YIDDO" at him
- Inky - entertaining rugby read from a guy who's not just making it all up and that
- PAIN - the PS3 game that has Halo nerds trading in their 360
- Great interviews of the 20th Century - FANTASTIC page with audio, video, text and analysis of some of the greatest interviews ever, including John Lennon, Dennis Potter, Sex Pistols, etc. Here's a link to full audio of the Lennon one

Links on Friday

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- Some muppet tries to tackle a goal kicker and knocks himself out - this is the greatest thing ever. The best bit is the tacklee doesn't even notice - AND he sticks the kick
- Johan Cruyff - best first touch ever? - wow, that's some skill. Bonus link - here's my fav (non-spurs) goal ever, by another Ajax legend. My fav spurs goal is probably this one. Or this one. Or this one.
- The Times' Serious Football Writer Brian Glanville's top 50 football moments - nice list, he picks a whole lot of stuff from the olden days, just to prove he's a Serious Football Writer, though
- If people behaved in meetings like they did on the internet - har. Love the guy that gets all serious

Links on Friday

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- Pulp Sports' The Butcher Sopranos parody - what was the Sopranos finale all about? Did he die or what? My heart was going like anything...
- Ronny Rosenthal misses a sitter - and what a sitter. Luckily, he did it for the bin dippers, and not Spurs
- The most rockin song of all time - is Credences' 'Ramble Tamble' apparently. And it's pretty bloody good. I've got a soft spot for 'Keep your hands to yourself' by Georgia Satellites myself. Or the Ramones' 'Rockaway Beach'
- Urban planner clearly depressed when she came up with street names - Har

Football weekend

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- The Phoenix have risen from Wellington's coffee grounds (or something) to play in Australia's A-League, and kicked off on Sunday against the Melbourne Victory. It's a shame for us Auckland footy fans, but the Cake Tin, or Ring Of Fire has it's now known and football looks like a match made in heaven. There was a decent crowd, numbering around 14,000, seemingly ALL kitted out in cool yellow T-Shirts or scarfs (is it still cold in Welly or wot?), all keen to put those terrace chants learned on OEs to good use.

The Phoenix are made up of New Zealanders, Australians (including the Keano-like Aloisi), and BRAZILIANS no less, and lead by 1982's Riki Herbert, who's effortlessly gone from mullet and tight sorts to Casino Royale-style well cut suit. And they can play. Once the nerves had settled, and they'd gone two nil down and fluffed a penalty, they began to play, and started passing it around nicely. The Brazilian Daniel looks like a fine player when not writhing around on the grass, and Aloisi obviously brings great experience. Daniel and then Shane Smetlz headed goals, and we were really unlucky not to get the win, with a couple of fine chances they'll bury later in the season.

It was really important to get a great start and bury those memories of the Kingz / Knights / whatever being flogged every week at Albany stadium. Riki Herbert really is the man, and his team are all set for a great season - Sunday afternoon on the couch just got really exciting.

- Spurs, spurs, spurs. You go out of interweb coverage for a week, and come back to this pile of shite. Tottenham are fast losing the 'sexy football' rep, and consolidating the 'sexy shoot oneself in the foot' one. The board is divided on the hugely popular Martin Jol, whose cheery unflappability looks more and more flappable by the week, and went to Portugal to try and lure Seville's Juande Ramos two games into the season. It's a typically Spurs dog's breakfast, and when you're in that situation, a trip to Man Utd the last thing you need. Surprisingly, we did alright, and conceded only the one 30 yard screamer, and got a dead cert penalty turned down - a typical Old Trafford result.

Links on Friday

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- Villa's Martin O'Neil, pop picker extraordinaire, telling Robbie Williams what for - classic, it's like being told off by a senile old science teacher
- Wayne Rooney meets Dirty Sanchez - the Welsh jackass imitators that are ten times funnier. That can't be his house...?
- Touch The Rainbow - great tv ad for Skittles. Wish I could do this with a nice bacon sandwich
- All You Had To Say Was 'Owen Wilson Befriends A Dolphin' And I Was Sold - that's how it gets done, team

Roman Abramovich writes to young Chelsea fans

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Chelsea chairman Roman Abramovich is a man of ominous, brooding, dark, dark mystery. Here's his responses to children's letters to Chelsea's official fan's magazine.


Dear Chelsea magazine -
My favourite colour is blue. I can't wait for the football to start again, and when I'm big enough I want to play for Chelsea. I like playing football with my brother.
Darren, 6, Reading

Darren -
Blood. Let blood be your guide. When you have spent the off season waist deep in offal of indeterminate origin like Roman Abramovich, your thinking will be much, much clearer.
Roman

Dear Chelsea magazine -
I love Chelsea. When they win I run around in the garden yelling "Yes! Yes! Yes!" with all my might. I hope you win the Champions' League this year. The other lads in my class mostly support Arsenal, but I love Chelsea FC!
Mike, 8, Richmond

Dear Mike -
Many, many years ago, a group of young Russians made a big mistake. They mocked a young man who was true of heart, whose only crime was the thick, matted hair covering his body no razor could tame. They laughed. They laughed and mocked. They sung "Roman's a retard!" They're all dead now.
Roman

Dear Chelsea magazine -
I love my Chelsea teddy bear. I called him "Terry". I'm six. Can I be a ball boy?
Stevie, 4, Fulham

Dear Stevie -
I love Chelsea too! Why not buy your bear an official Chelsea scarf? They're only 18.99 and available online. (edited by Chelsea FC communications dept.)
Roman

Links on Friday (on Sunday)

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- 50 greatest sporting insults - There's some crackers here, like "There’s no way you are good enough to play for England." "Maybe not, but at least I’m the best cricketer in my family", directed at Mark Waugh
- Keano takes Sunderland to Ireland - OK, so *#@!$% Sunderland beat Spurs this morning (yes, thanks for the helpful reminder, Kate), but I can't be too upset - I've got a sneaking admiration for Roy Keane and hope the throbbing vein on his forehead has an easier life now he's not playing. Doubt it, though
- Soccer AM 'third eye' collection - if you find footballers being whacked in the face with balls hilarious, this this for you
- B3TA 'make safe things dangerous' image challenge - har. The the best's the school sports day with the bear

Links on Friday

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- Le Tour's Mount Ventoux - bugger biking up here. It just goes up and up and up, and looks like the moon
- Greatest bit of fielding ever? - Gatting couldn't be more surprised than if he'd been slapped with a fish
- A high quality Spurs goal from G. Linneker - Spurs are looking good for top four this year I reckon (Bonus link for you SportsFreaks: Glen 'n Chris do Diamond Lights)
- Top 50 Muppets - I like Crazy Harry, the mad bomber. And Lefty

Links on Friday

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- Tour De France face plant - the Tour De France Prologue through London is this weekend, with stage one in idyllic English countryside the next night. Check guides for times, good luck on Sky's shitty website
- Good Goran interviews Bad Goran - not that remarkable really, I conduct interviews with myself like this all the time
- Andoni Goicoechea, 'The Butcher of Bilbao' shatters Maradonna's ankle - ouch. It's all on the next time the teams meet
- The Framely Examiner - Har. I want to live here
- Dinosaur Jr - In a jar - I'm off to see these guys on Monday night. Kick. Ass.

Links on Friday

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- Mike Whitney Toohey's Ad - A throwback to a simpler time when the Windies were awesome, a man could feel comfortable in big hair and stubbies, and sport was just the warm up for drinking 23 cans of piss
- Sneaky goal - You can see him behind the goal going "I am the great invisible-ist-o! This rash 'keeper is unaware of my powers and will soon pay a pretty price."
- Paul Holmes beats down Dennis Conner - The infamous interview where Paul made a name for himself, before shooting off to play in the Midget Afro Basketball League. Ta, Public Address System
- Getting down on the range - some hip hop dancin' dudes bring the streets to the golf course
- If computer errors told the truth - har

Links on Friday

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- This is what we'll be missing now Ali's broken his jaw:

This clip comes with a typically confused piece of Mexted commentary: "But it wasn't a punch, Tony, I was watching off camera... oooh, he DID punch him... he did land it". I'm convinced Muzza has absolutely no idea he's on TV
- Dimitar Berbatov's top three goals - courtesy of Soccer AM. If your name is Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger or Jose Mourinho, MITTS OFF!
- Love Tetris? Got dreams of being a pixelated block? - This is the Japanese gameshow for you
- Great Sgt. Pepper's article - the 'greatest album ever' turned 40 a coupla weeks ago. For me, you can't go past Abbey Road. Or Revolver. Or Rubber Soul, even. Ah feck it, ALL the Beatles' albums are pretty shit hot, even when they let Ringo sing one